I've Had It! (and Other Maternal Meltdowns)

Post mommy meltdown selfie. I think I am trying to prove to myself that I am still here.

     "I have had it!"

     "I can't take it anymore!"

     "I am DONE!"

     If I am honest, I have to admit that these phrases are more than a little familiar to me. In the midst of the hard mothering times these are my battle cries. Or rather my frustrated screams of surrender from battle.

     The "it" that I have had and can't take anymore is everything. All the things that come with motherhood. I've had too much noise. I've had too much sleep deprivation. I've had too much cooking. I've had too much chaos. I've had too much cleaning. I've had too much trying my patience. I've had too much bickering, crying, arguing, whining, sulking, pouting, back-talking, screaming, stalling, snapping, scowling...

     Some days I've had it all. It feels overwhelming. I get to the point where I can't handle or process anymore. I am just done.

     You know these times. You can't get control of anything or anyone. You can't keep up. You don't feel like you make the slightest bit of a difference. It's killing you in a very painful sort of way. Your brain is on overload and is screeching, "Quit! Abandon ship! Let everything go! Just give up!" 

     You feel that way. And you feel it so deeply you are not certain if you'll ever feel otherwise again. 

     You want to crawl into bed, a dark cave, anywhere quiet and private and hide forever. 

     But you keep showing up anyway. 

     You still do the things you see are necessary. You give the hugs and cuddles. You break up the fights. You calm the temper tantrums. You listen to the big stories. You praise the shoelace tying. You teach the manners. You correct the lack of manners. You make the snacks. You pour the sippy cups. You pour more sippy cups. You wipe the noses. You wipe the bottoms. You comfort the sobs. You kiss the boo boos. You make the meals. You blow on the hot food. You cut the big food. You clean up the messes. All the messes. And then even more messes. You read the books. All the books. You sing the songs. All the songs. You give the baths. You brush the teeth. You get the one more drink. You rock the baby instead of sleeping.

     Doing all of the things that you do, even when you don't want to, even when you feel completely spent, that is what makes you a mother. You are your kids' mommy because you feel like quitting sometimes but you never do.

     Mothers, I see you. I know you. I am you. You'll find a way to keep going even when you have thrown down the gauntlet and declared that you don't want to anymore. It's brutal sometimes. But you'll keep on keeping on. Hugs!