Manic Mommy Moments

Everything is fine and dandy at the beach. I need to go back for a looooong time out.

     There are so many precious times and sweet things about being a mom.

     But there are some moments that will make you absolutely insane.

  • Waiting for your toddler to "I do it!" Trying not to hover and then cleaning up whatever mess ensues. 
  • Waiting for a small child to zip anything, a plastic baggie, a jacket, a backpack...
  • Shoe lace tying. The teaching. The waiting. The re-teaching. The waiting. The screams if you try to re-tie the mess.
  • Baby spit up. It's on every item of clothing you own.
  • Puke. Always at the most inopportune times and places. You'll try to catch it when you see it coming. You will fail and just be covered.
  • Bedtime. They never want to go to sleep. You would give the world for three winks of rest but all your small people think sleeping is akin to torture. Until they become teenagers and then getting them out of bed becomes a war of the worlds.
  • Sharing. It doesn't happen without lots of screaming, crying, and threatening to take away all the stuff in their lives.
  • Teenagers. Oh where do I begin? All the things. Only. Every. Single. Thing. Sigh.
  • The question why. There is never an answer that satisfies them enough to end the constant barage of, "Whyyyyyyyyyyy?"
  • Car trips. Oh for the love. So much complaining in such a small space.
  • When they learn to spell. A good thing really except that now you can't spell out secrets when talking within their earshot.
  • Listening to early readers. "The cat is fat. The boy has a toy. The dog on a log."
  • Public potties. It's hard enough to go by yourself without touching anything. Add some children to the mix and it takes 30 min. You'll be hollering, "Don't touch anything!" over and over, the automatic flushers scare the senses out of them, the seat covers bust, the ginormous toilet paper wheel will only let you retrieve one tiny sheet at a time before ripping and everyone wants to get their own, no one can reach the sink or soap or paper towels...
  • School supply shopping. Four different office supply stores just to find half the things. Carts in the way. Kids everywhere begging for Elsa lunch boxes and Minion backpacks. Nothing comes in the same color or brand or count that THE LIST specifies. Finding 3 prong, 2 folder, green, plastic, no label, rounded edge folders. Exactly. No substitutions. Luckily we homeschool now and the teacher (moi) makes a much more attainable list.
  • Any kind of shopping. Temper tantrums are always worse in public. "How many more things on the list? Can we get this? I want that! You said we only had to get 11 things! I wanna push the cart! This is boring! I hafta go potty! My feet are so tired! I'm hot! I'm cold! I'm hungry! I'm thristy! I am not back talking! WAAAAAAAAAAA!"
  • Finding 3000 pictures of nostrils and foreheads on your phone because they were playing with it.
  • Anything you say or have ever said will be used against you. "But you said!"
  • Anything you say or have ever said will be repeated. At the worst time.
  • The songs. All the songs. In my head. All the time. Let it go (pun intended).
  • Dressing, undressing, and redressing all the Barbies, Pollys, baby dolls, and American Girls.
  • Finding girl swim suits and shorts that were not made to show off all their business. Then listening to why the few nice ones are "SOOOOO UGLY!!!"
  • Going out to eat. They act like they have never been told to sit on their bottoms, keep their elbows off the table, use a fork, take smaller bites, wipe with a napkin, quit screaming, eat your food.
  • You have to hide to eat anything good. Otherwise you are met with a chorus of, "What are you eating Mom? I want some! Pleeeeeeeeeeease!!!"
  • Even when you are locked in the bathroom you are never truly alone. Someone is always banging on the door, sticking their fingers under the door, hollering at the door, or bursting through the door.
  • Anytime you look like you might be busy, paying bills online, talking on the phone, writting a blog post... utter chaos will inevitably erupt and all the people will need all the things.
Keep on moms. Keep on.