Why Bother?

     Some days I am constantly nagged by the question, "Why bother?"

     On those days I feel so small, so unimportant, so unaccomplished, so insignificant. I can vividly see the words of Randy Pausch in The Last Lecture. I know I should be a bright, bouncy, positive Tigger but I am too exhausted from fighting the barrage of negative thoughts pouring into my mind. I wallow because I can't turn the thoughts off and I don't know what else to do. I become glum old Eeyore. Oh bother. 

     In these times its easy for me to wonder why I do anything I do. I feel like I haven't made the slightest bit of difference in the world, in my community, in my church, or even in my own home. 

     My insecurities get inevitably triggered when I compare myself to others. In my head the ticker tape is reeling. Everyone else seems to have life figured out. Their problems are handled so competently, if they even have any problems. Everyone else is doing big things. They are pillars in the church, they are tackling massive careers, they are parenting with pizzazz and effectiveness, they dress well, they are kind and gracious all the time, they are knocking their dreams out of the park. Everyone else. Every. One. Else.

     And while everyone else fits into the elusive and exclusive "Everyone Else Club", here I am alone at my pity party with my thoughts. I can't figure out my own self much less life in general. I have more problems than a guilty death row inmate (or so it seems) and I have no clue how to solve any of them. I am doing such small things. None of them are even noticable. I haven't been a steady support to anyone much less a pillar to the church. I suck at parenting. There really isn't a less qualified individual to raise small humans. These kids pay attention to nothing I say or do. I haven't put on something other than yoga pants in my recent recollection. I am that grouchy yelling person I never meant to be. I don't know what my dreams are so forget pursuing them. 

     I feel like I am busting my butt. In the trenches. Trying so I can try some more. Working so I can work some more. Giving it all. And nothing. I see nothing for any of it. So that brings me to, "Why bother?"

     Mark 5: 35-42 (NIV)
35: While Jesus was still speaking, some people came from the house of Jairus, the synagogue leader. “Your daughter is dead,” they said. “Why bother the teacher anymore?”
36: Overhearing what they said, Jesus told him, “Don’t be afraid; just believe.”
37: He did not let anyone follow him except Peter, James and John the brother of James. 
38: When they came to the home of the synagogue leader, Jesus saw a commotion, with people crying and wailing loudly. 
39: He went in and said to them, “Why all this commotion and wailing? The child is not dead but asleep.” 
40: But they laughed at him. After he put them all out, he took the child’s father and mother and the disciples who were with him, and went in where the child was. 
41: He took her by the hand and said to her, “Talitha koum!” (which means “Little girl, I say to you, get up!”). 
42: Immediately the girl stood up and began to walk around (she was twelve years old). At this they were completely astonished.

     We bother because whether we think we make a difference, whether anyone around us sees that a difference can exist, we can "just believe". We can call on a power higher than ourselves. Through that we can catalyze results that we never dreamed of. Things that will astonish us.

     Our impact might seem tiny to us. But nothing is ever about us or what we think. Our jobs, our relationships, our accomplishments, our posessions, all the things in our lives...none of it is really about us and them. It is about us and God. Living to give Him glory whether we see good or not. And He sees it all. Every interaction, every effort, every happiness, every heartache, every wiped tear, every drop of sweat. He sees it. And He uses it to help us grow, learn, and love more.

     So bother. Everyday. Everyway. Bother. It matters. Even when you don't see it. Even when you don't feel it. Even when things don't look like you think they should. Keep bothering to do all that you have been called to do.